I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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