On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
