Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
