i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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