i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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