I wish I could punch you in the face.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
