you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
