I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
