you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
