im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
