My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
