so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize