i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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