I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
