brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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