sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
