You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
