I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My bed smells like the plague
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
