I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
