just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
