Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
