did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
