the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
