Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
