dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
