He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
