im drinking this country out of the recession.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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