Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
