My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
