i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
