I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
