You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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