Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
