That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
our cab driver is having phone sex.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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