My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
