evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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