i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
