Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
