...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
