What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
