Im at strip club and am horny
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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