I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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