after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
