He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
