the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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