No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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