Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
