So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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