I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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