Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
