Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
