You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
