a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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