I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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