could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
