so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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