Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
